My friend starts his new job today

Nothing much happening today, except an old friend starts a new job today. It's a job he's wanted his entire life and I wish him the best of luck even though we haven't really talked in a while. I first met "Barry" as we knew him growing up years ago at the pool hall. He asked if he could bum a smoke off of me and I said yes. We started a game of pool and became the best of friends..... We would go to church together and say our amens as Rev. Wright would stick it to the white man. After church, we'd sneak behind the parsonage and snatch a smoke or two before heading down to Lake Michigan to admire toez as girls would come rollerblading by us in their tight little shorts as we chain smoked and talked about politics.
One day, he told me there was a job he was interested in and he wanted it more than anything. I told him to go for it, and he did, but it wasn't easy. He kept on getting threatening magazine letters from the main competition for the job (you know the letters where people cut out letters and words from magazines so that the handwriting can't be traced). He cried as he showed me a letter one day. I looked at the envelope and noticed that even though it was mailed from New York, the return address was in Hope, Arkansas. I said "The audacity of Hope!" and Barry got a glimmer in his eye. That would become the title of his best selling book. I helped with other things such as helping him reach out to people, being somewhat an expert at influencing people- especially the youngin's.

Soon, though, Barry got too big for his britches and stopped hanging out with me and the rest of the gang. The only time I ever heard from him was when he wanted to bum a smoke off of me. As Jesse told me, "He likes to talk down to black folk and camels. He thinks he's white now." The final straw for our friendship was when I saw this picture.........

Seeing my best friend smoking that brand which I hate more than anything in this world was Barry's way of telling me he didn't care about my feelings anymore. It hurt, but I still showed up at his victory party to congratulate him only to be shoved to the ground by Secret Service agents as I extended my camel toe for Barry to shake.

So I wish my friend the best of luck, 'cause he's still my friend.......

The Saddest Day..............

It was the worst day of my life.... the day it all came crashing down.........

I was meeting RJ, the CEO of the company I worked for over lunch. It started out like most of our typical lunches (in the smoking section of course) where I would bring my ideas to the table and he basically would give approval. I had done a lot for RJ and his company- thanks to me, his flagship brand was hip again and was in the number #3 position. It was only a matter of time before we defeated our evil enemy "P. Morris" and trounced his overrated "M" brand in the marketplace.

"Hey, RJ," I started as I lit up a Camel, "You know that survey which shows that my face is more recognized than anyone except Ronald McDonald among kids ? Well, I've got an idea- if we can't beat them, let's join them. We can put Camel in Happy Meals. Joe Camel plush toys, starter packs, adult-proof lighters, Joe Camel coloring books. It'll be great ! We can introduce our brand to a whole new generation !"

"Joe," said RJ taking a hit off of his Winston, "We need to talk."

"About what?" I asked puzzled.

"Well, we're dropping you. It's over. The public thinks we're using you to attract children to smoking. The pressure has increased too much. We have to drop you."

"Well," said I indignant, "Of course- who the fuck else are we going to market to ? 70 year old ladies with oxygen tanks or iron lungs ? Of course we're attracting children- just like we've always done!"

"Well," said RJ, "It's a new world out there. Political correctness and all. So I guess this is goodbye."

So I left with a tear in my eye. RJ had it right when he said he had been "using me" to attract children. Thanks to me Camel had gone from being an old man's smoke to being hip again. If he'd given me a chance, I'd have kicked those "M" guys ass, but I would never get that chance.......

Going back to Cali ? I don't think so.............

This picture wuz back sometime in my heydey. Back when I was a camel on a mission to get more toe. It was me smokin' in the old pool hall back when smokin' was cool and we could smoke in a pool hall. See, I live in Cali and the freaks out in Coastal California decided they could ban smokin' in all public places whether the owner or patrons of the business wanted it banned or not. But that's just the hypocrisy of the freaks on the coast. Let's ban smoking because smokers have no rights, but we have a right to stick our AIDS infected jimmy wherever it will fit. Let's save the fuckin' whales, but it's all right if we want to kill our unborn babies. Life and liberty is only precious if we say it is. Let's help the homeless and those too lazy too work, but fuck the working stiff who must pay up the ying-yang in taxes. Yes, we in the Cali interior have to pay for their social experimentations out on the coast. Especially out in Sodom and Gomorrah (SF and Oakland) and in that cess pool of semi-human existence the LA metro area. Fuck all those people on the coast. May God send them an earthquake and send the whole freak coast into the Pacific Ocean. I've always wanted beachfront property.............

As for smokin' in pool halls well, me and my buddies have a smokeeasy pool hall. We've all paid off the cops who smoke and drink and play pool instead of hang out at the donut shop down the street (whose freak San Fran owner would never allow the God given right to smoke). Doesn't that bother you coastal freak Californians ? A bastion of freedom in the People's Republic of Cali. I bet you're just waiting to call Diane Feinstein or Nancy Pelosi so they can send the brown shirts out to investigate, unfortunately, I won't tell you what city of freedom I live in and their probably too busy munching carpet right now to care anyway.

A nice one

After my last toe... I figured I needed some way to redeem myself...... so here's a special one for you

Bring back candy cigs for the youngin's

Back in the day (the 1990's) when I wuz on every billboard and magazine in America and I wuz getting lots of toe action, there wuz outcry from the politically correct to silence me (you know the first amendment and all which sez freedom of speech for all but camels and tobacco companies and wat not). It seems the PC folk wuz saying that yurz truly wuz corrupting the youth of our fine nation by encouraging them to smoke. While on the surface that may seem plausible 'specially since my brand is now up there with the "M" word (we dare not say the name of my dreaded enemy in this blog) as the most popular brand among young smokers.

I have a different theory. See, about that time, candy cigarettes were becoming taboo and even illegal in many places. So instead of puffing on their candy and gum smokes, kids turned to the real joe- and of course they started smoking.

So my solution ? Bring back the imitation so when the little ones see their parents smoking, they've got somethin' of their own without ganking a pack of pop's reds and sneaking behind the barnI guess not a bad choice for the beginner..... "m" reds is a mediocre gum. Once you have the habit (gum chewing of course) though you'll want something better like.......

Yes, you know I highly recommend these turkish blended gums. Try it in filter, lichts, or for the daring...... ACMEL straights!!!


For the kiddie who likes a minty gum which leaves a cool refreshing taste in their mouth, joe highly recommends salam.




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Camel wides

All camels are not created equal.........

My first post

What better way to start off my blog than with a picture
And some of you guys think gymnastics isn't a real sport ?